What’s for Dinner

What’s for Dinner

“Hello Joe, how goes it,” I said with.a.smile. “

I hate these daylight patrols “responded Joe, a platoon leader from the adjacent company.

”Yeah” I said “You .gotta’ have a humongous pair of balls for that daylight stuff. You’re a sitting duck out there. It’s pretty easy to get your ass shot off on a day like this.”

“I don’t have the balls, my company commander does, but I still have my ass!” Joe groaned”.

”So what’s for dinner”.

“Well, you can forget that promise give the troops a pair of dry socks and a hot meal .every .day” I joked “All our socks .either have holes in them or they are just plain rotten. And, the hot meals turned right when they should have turned left on the way up here. “

“.So what the fuck.are you saying?” Joe.asked, in no mood for.any bullshit, “We’ve been out there since four o’clock in the morning and it’s now six in the evening. This patrol is fucking hungry.”

I replied, “We have a wide variety if C rations, just delish and unopened, unseen by human eyes.  Unsmelled by the human nose”.

“So what do you have if we shoot up the fuckiing place?” Joe growled.

“Well, in that case we offer a court martial on our after dinner menu.”  I replied.

“Ok” Joe said. “You do have coffee?”

“I have to tell you it is not .on today’s menu. The sous’ chef had an .anxiety attack.”

“In other words .the fucking bastard bugged out!” Joe.angrily replied

Aiming to please I said “We have a delicious chilled assortment,”

“You mean everything is fucking frozen solid” asked Joe

“All the better to fully enjoy them. Just think of the Good Humor man” I replied.

“What would you prefer, frozen sausages or stew.”

“What about the hot dogs and.beans?” Asked Joe.

“I’m sorry, but they have been reserved for one of our regular clientele, meaning me.” I chided

“Well” Joe said “I happen to be carrying around with considerable personal discomfort, a box of homemade chocolate chip cookies?”

“And how many cans of hot dogs and beans would it take to relieve that discomfort.” I replied eagerly.

Joe quickly replied “How many you got?’